Acupuncture consult...

Today we went to a birthday picnic for a friend and then to our acupuncture consult.  The dr was running a bit behind but I really liked him.  He even "poked" both of us with a needle so I could know what to expect.  He said mosquito bite and I kinda agree.  Not bad!! I felt immediately relieved. Although I felt like I had made a bunch of mistakes with what I have been eating and kinda feel guilty of my diet or lack there of.   We aren't unhealthy by any means but there are definitely going to be some changes. For instance I had iced green tea this afternoon. So I am now going to try to follow a much healthier diet....well low carbs and includes no dairy, no cold anything (even salad) and no raw anything (such as veggies).  I have only had to go on diets when I had the oh so lovely OHSS twice before. I am willing to do it...if it will help then I'm game. He gave me a big list of do's and don'ts and hubby and I are going to go shopping tomorrow evening. Yay, that hubby is so willing to do whatever he needs to help me out...including diet change! And he is happy since the Dr said increase red meat which I really don't eat of lot of.  So my ice cream reward for my PIO injections are a thing of the past. I am actually secretly glad this happened....I have gained quite a bit of weight with all this med and whatever else so I am hopeful it could help with that too.  I am really hopeful acupuncture will be a big help. We will do a pre and post session on Monday with our transfer and go from there.

Tomorrow we are going to the A's vs the Giants baseball game with my family. Should be fun....and we have box seats. With food (we shall see what I can eat!) I am glad this weekend has been busy, it is helping to keep my mind busy. I am starting to worry a bit about Monday. I am hopeful that our 2 frosties will make it out of thaw and we will still have 3 left for another time.

Hubby and I went to see Kung Fu Panda 2 tonight. I loved it and I cried more than once. What a nice way to end the night.

Waffles, keys and a cheese danish.

Made a waffle breakfast for my FIL this morning. I joked at how nice he was to suggest 7:30 when I suggested 7:00.  It was fun and something I never do on a weekday. yum.

Off to school for the LAST time this school year. Finished up, turned in my key and said "adios"...see you in August.  I actually feel really good about leaving. Lots of organizing and cleaning.  This is probably the most "ready for August" my room has ever been. That feels really good.  I think having a goal of "let's be done before the transfer" was a huge motivating factor. 

Then off to lunch with my dear Auntie. Although it ended up being a snack since neither of us were that hungry. So cheese danish it was. double yum.  She is such a lovely lady and I have shared with her our struggle and journey with IF.  She has two sons and she and I have gone out more the last few years. It's nice to have time with her. She tries her best to understand everything as her friend's daughter struggled with IF too.  It's nice for me to be able to tell someone in the family who won't spread it around.

Home now and I feel a sense of relief. I am mentally getting ready for Monday.  Our FET is almost here! I'm nervous about the outcome but I am really trying to think how this could be IT.  I truly hope so. But I also know we have another chance.  Wouldn't it be nice if I could just save those little boogers for the next rainy day?!

On an ending note, I have watched Mary Poppins twice in the last two days while working in my classroom. One of my favorite movies as a kid.  I wanted to watch it after seeing the finale float in the new Disn.eyland parade~a tribute to the movie. (and totally awesome!!)  I realized there are quite a bit of clever quotes...I really liked this one: "That's a pie crust promise. Easily made, easily broken."

Hope you all have a great Friday night! Let the weekend begin.

Ahhh (the relaxing & not so relaxing)...

We had such a great time camping and playing around in the Big Sur River.  There was a lot more water than the last time I was there. We were able to hike in about halfway or so to the waterfalls. Hubby even went after my friend's flip flop that was rushed down the river!!  Good friends and camping....must do more of it!  Here are a few pictures from the trip:

Came back Tuesday to the first PIO of this round.  I have mentioned before I have a huge fear of needles and put that together with world's biggest wimp and you have a really bad combo.  Thanks to E at Dreaming of Babies I got a few new tips to try to make them a little easier. =0)

That being said, it took me over 30 minutes to get psyched for the poke and then hyperventilated afterwards! I have never had that happen....kinda scary!  I always get really worked up for the first one and then it gradually gets better. I can't say the PIO ones do..those needles freak me out! I shiver just thinking about them. I still vividly remember the nurse demonstrating the PIO needle in a demo skin thing (?).  I was so embarrassed because I started crying when I saw the needle. Funny, I don't remember my backside feeling so sore.  I hope it gets better or maybe I'll get a little more used to it! 

Set up to meet with an acupuncturist who I was referred to from another clinic. That will be on Saturday. I'm nervous and realize that other people do this months in advance. But as I am desperate for this to work, I am willing to try it. *Think...tiny, tiny, needles..* ahh!  In the meantime I am going to finish up in my classroom.  The goal is to be done tomorrow or possibly Friday morning. I was there for about 5 hours today and was really productive. That feels good. =0)

I made it!

Last day of school on Friday....check!  And...got great news at my appointment in the morning so we will proceed with our FET on the 20th!!! yay!! I was so nervous...my doc even noticed.  His words.."that's a good looking uterus!"  So I now have my new "ink" again and it's countdown time.

Had fun at my niece's first birthday party. She's so adorable and figured out how to climb the couch with the help of the nursing stool! and did it over and over and over!
Only mishap of the day...finding out when my BIL's baby is coming....January.  ugh....their first baby is only 6 months old.........khdaslhdsajdhjdj!  I had to actually leave the room yesterday so I wouldn't start crying in front of people. So upsetting. oh well. I need to get over it.  And then I felt like a beer so I did....which I just remembered this morning after 2 rounds of migraine med, why I got such a bad migraine last night.  This med and alcohol don't mix. Let's just hope it will be my last drink for a looong time...maybe like 10 months or so!! =0)

Found out one of my co-workers is pregnant....she just got married in February and they weren't trying! Really...how do people manage to get pregnant??!?? I'd love to know the secret!

I'm off to go camping tomorrow for an overnight trip.  Should be lots of fun!  PIO and suppositories start Tuesday.  I am NOT looking forward to this at all. I just have to remember I can do this and it will be all worth it in the end!!

My crazy idea becomes an idea..

welp....finally got a hold of a nurse in the office today. Apparently my IVF nurse is out today (and I think yesterday). My trip to Japan and Korea is a no go due to timing....what a shocker.  Found out the date of our beta #1....should be the 29th. Which is exciting...as it dawned on me the other day it would be earlier than the 4th with a FET.  Which means our second one would be on the 5th due to holiday.  Which means we can't travel because hubby needs to be back so he can fly to New Jersey on the 18th.  I refuse to spend thousands to fly over there to be there for just over a week.  Another time maybe.

It's all about the timing and what makes me a smidgen upset that it is again all for a maybe.  If our FET works (crossing fingers) I will be so happy. If it doesn't..well I am sure I will be a little upset. Well, maybe more than a little.....  So time for another idea.  Our 5 year anniversary is at the end of the month and hubby will be getting super busy by then.  Did I ever mention he works a seasonal job....owning and operating Halloween stores? I have a love/hate relationship with it.

I am happy to find out some dates.  And I have three days of school left and actually am feeling less overwhelmed than normal at the moment.  I have had lots of help from hubby and my step mom helped today.  That was super.  Off to do so more work.  I have report cards to finish!

A late Happy ICLW week....

I have had an insane past few days.  School is absolutely nuts with Open House (tomorrow night), assessments and retention hearings and meetings.  Parents who are difficult and not making good choices for their children's education....grr! I am going nuts!  This is the first time I have been able to get on here on my pc and I wish I could have been a more active participant in ICLW.  Ah, well...next time!

To add to the craziness, I had a interesting and busy weekend.  Hubby and I decided we should indeed go the Pre Adopt class all day Saturday.  Luckily they let us join and we attended all day on Saturday.  I'm not admitting defeat on our upcoming FET but I do want to be prepared.  There is a lot to do and I want to take advantage of my time off this summer.  I'm still trying to think of the finances in my head so once I decide there we will proceed.  I just know I will be upset with myself if we didn't start any of this and are disappointed with our transfers.  This has been a tricky decision.  I am excited and my hubby is too. As a friend of mine who adopted said the nice thing about adoption is that everything you do, puts you one step closer to your child.  This is true.

After the class, we watched my two lovely nieces so my sister and her hubby could escape to Napa for the rest of the weekend.  Everything went great and we had lots of fun.  We see my nieces all the time, so it's actually no biggie to spend the weekend with them sans mommy and daddy. 

I am exhausted and drained.  Lupr.on shots are going well and I am being brave with the needles.  After the first one, these aren't so bad since they are so tiny!  I am super bloated and I swear I have gained more weight.  I had a huge breakdown earlier when I tried on my dress I was planning on wearing to open house and it doesn't fit.  I have hooker boobs right now (hah!) and am feeling/looking very puffy around my stomach.  Nothing I think is open house "appropriate" fits and the stuff that does I really don't want to wear.  Pants..too tight and most of my skirts. Ugh.

I am off to bed. I have a 7:40 meeting with a parent tomorrow.  I'm gonna look through some of your lovely blogs tomorrow after the madness of open house.  Goodnight!

It's been a little rough around here...

.....I'm just gonna get started.....no point in doing it any other way.  :0/

I don't know if I have mentioned the hardest pregnancy for me so far? My BIL and his wife.  Last year at their wedding I found out our latest and greatest IUI failed with the arrival of AF days before my scheduled beta.  What a miserable weekend for me...Valentine's Day.  Trying to be positive around family who apparently already knew what was going on (even though I didn't want them to).  Then a few short weeks later comes their announcement...they're gonna be parents.  WTF? They conceived sometime during the week of their wedding....I don't really care if it was before or not.  So my most bitter feelings came out with their greatest joy.  Bitter because in the face of all my sadness that weekend they had something work out.  Needless to say their daughter was born in December, my in-laws first grandbaby.  Did I mention they had been dating for just over a year before getting engaged? yeah...bitter.  And my dear BIL drives me bonkers.....thank god they live in Colorado because I wouldn't be able to deal.  At least I have a very valid excuse to not see them.

So here comes some grand news Thursday evening.....BIL texted my hubby to tell him...wait............wait..........oh! they are expecting their second!  OMG!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!! you just had a baby in December....really?!  And then I get even meaner.....were they trying to conceive around the same time as their first? I mean how cute.  I can't wait to find out the due date so I can count weeks. (Why would I do this to myself?? I don't know....I must be a glutton for punishment.) ugh. so frustrating.  So now I get to see more ultrasound pictures added to the granddaughter shrine at the in-laws.  I know I have said before they are perfectly entitled...it must be that jealous twinge wishing I could give them a super joy like they did.  Finally asked my hubby to email his mom to take me off the family announcement emails.  I just can't handle it right now.

moving on.........

My best gals take me out on Friday.  It was fun...went to a new restaurant in town.  Do you remember the friend I have talked about before who I/we have been having major issues with over our crumbling friendships?  I truly feel that we have been slowly but surely making some progress to becoming more like normal.  It is so awkward at school, but I can tell my friend has been trying and so have I.  I have even been eating in the staff room for the past few weeks and I haven't been the whole year.

We get home from dinner to find a USPS sticky on our door. The company didn't change the delivery date in the computer from Friday to Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!  They will try delivering again on Monday. Ugh....I have refrigerated meds in there people that I need to start next week!  I called the med company and we haven't heard back.  Guess it's not an emergency according to them.  So I will be calling them tomorrow as soon as I am done at the clinic.

Now, for the record since rejoining the cursed FB a few weeks ago, I really haven't done much posting.  On Saturday we were celebrating my friend's birthday (which my bday friend did not want her to come to...bars and walking..nothing she wants to do right now) and we all get this message during lunch:

Subject: just being real

So clearly, pregnant me is not the person you ladies want to hang out with, I get it. You do realize we are friends on FB so your statuses and posts to each other are always in my news feed? I'm not saying don't post. I'm not saying you should even have to invite me. But what I am trying to say is that it hurts and one day when you are pregnant, I hope your friends won't do this to you. And when that time comes, and you feel awful, and tired, and emotional, and a million other things, you'll realize why I'm not quite the same person I was before. And you'll realize how much more you need your friends. It' just too bad I pretty much lost the 3 people I thought were my best friends.
I'm not expecting my sharing this to change things, but I had to get it off my chest. It is what it is. Life changes, people change, and you have to move on. 

 So as far as I am concerned she was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG in sending this! Especially since I feel like I didn't do any of that AND how insensitive of her!  She blames me for not having this friendship with the other two because of my reaction to her pregnancy.  That isn't going to help.  I haven't responded. If I hadn't been out I would have burst into tears.  Talking about it tonight over dinner with my hubby brought me to tears more than once.  What a snot bitch!

I don't even know what to say.  I'm sorry you're pregnant and hormonal? I am too but it's for a different reason.  deep sigh. help!

At breakfast this morning I heard the pregnant ladies response to her friend's question of "don't you just love being pregnant?"...."no!" she says.  Poop on you lady. 

Tomorrow morning is my first of three LW and u/s for our upcoming transfer.  I must say I am excited and nervous.  If I can survive the next few weeks I will be so thankful.

Let's end on a happier note...look what amazing hubby did for my classroom.
  We are learning about tropical rainforests.

I only wish I could be there in the morning to see their faces! :0(

Concrete tube forms - $18
Green butcher paper - $8
A dozen recycled paper bags - free
3 1/2 hours husband labor - free
Seeing the look on 21 kindergarten faces Monday morning- priceless! :o)

 

Life and my first award!

Thanks to Summastarlet and to lostintranslation for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award.  I promise to do my job when I have some time to breathe. Thank you!



I am being swallowed up by the end of the year school stuff (always busy) and my overwhelming emotions for our upcoming FET.  The last two weeks have been crazy to say the least.  I went from thinking our FET was going to have to be rescheduled to a surprise visit from AF (yeah!!), being completely thrown under the bus and felt like a fool in a meeting by my principal, my great Aunty's funeral and starting BCPs (which are making me feel like a giant crab) and some pissy parents in my class.  Maybe it's just me, but I have a few who are driving me nuts.  I am getting really anxious and I am exhausted.  I haven't been on here much and am finding I am missing some of your news!

Our first LW and u/s is this coming Monday.  I'm excited to see our Dr. again and see what he has to say.  I seriously can't remember much from our last meeting after our first failed IVF.  I'm taking the whole day and going back into my classroom to assess kids per my principal.  At least she's understanding of our situation.

Our meds are being shipped to us on Monday and I was pleasantly surprised to hear the total cost....just under $600.  I'll take it.  I am so thankful we had embryos to freeze, I just hope they make it out okay.


Off to bed. Goodnight!

A little update...

.....it's a go!!! I can't believe it! So as of now we are planning for our FET on June 20th.  I am super excited and hopeful.  This could be it!! Missed the nurse again (who leaves at 3:45 everyday) so I will try calling Friday since she has an injection class she is teaching tomorrow.  Began BCPs this evening.


Looking at my calendar, I will only have to miss part of three days of school.  Unfortunately, the 3rd lab and US is on the LAST day of school.  I feel like I can't miss that.....but obviously will.  I think I can make it back in time. That would be sad to miss them on the last day of school.

Crazy how things can work out....I'm gonna cross my fingers and keep counting my lucky stars!!

Some (not so promising) news..

After canceling my last IVF in November and finally deciding I was ready to proceed with the madness again we set up our FET for June. After school is over (stress right?). I have been feeling excited and anxious and have been trying to mentally prepare myself for what's to come. This is it.  We can't afford to do more.  We were so lucky to get three embryos out of our first IVF last August.  It boils down to $ for a big fat maybe with more IVF or an eventual someday with adoption.  I said before our goal is to have a family and adoption is definitely an option.  However, even swallowing that bit of truth hurts.  I have a twin and how neat would it be to see what our kids would look like. Would they look like siblings? or completely different? We may never find out.  My twin is my only blood connection I have and it stinks we may not have that family tie. Why does this infertility shit have to be so bloody expensive?? And why can't I win the lottery (even a small one--I'd happily accept!!!)

But I digress...last night as I sat worrying about our upcoming transfer I decided to check in with my RE nurse.  Of course my body hates me and I haven't been visited by AF since March.  I knew I should have gone on BCPs in March.  UGHHH.  So my nurse tells me to go get blood work to test my E2/P4 levels to see where I'm at in my cycle.  If I don't start by Tuesday we have to reschedule my FET for July/August because the clinic will be having a lab closure for summer.  And of course the one, reliable thing my body does is breast tenderness.  Always... about 1.5-2+ weeks before my stinkin' period.  And of course this only just began about two or three days ago.  I hate to be Negative Nancy but I am not very hopeful we will be able to do our transfer.  Why does it feel like things just can't fucking work on their own!!? I am sick of my irregular cycles. And the fact I knew I should have gone on BCPs to help regulate my March cycle makes me furious.  Way to advocate for myself.

In the meantime I should try to remain positive (yeah right)...maybe my blood work will prove me wrong and I am just a few days away from beginning.  I tell my kids my favorite word is patience.  Guess I need to practice what I preach and stop being so glum.  I'm just really frustrated and tired of waiting.