Saturday, August 25, 2012

14 months

Our little guy is 14 months old this month and today we received his update and pictures.  I was checking my email at the stoplight (shhh..don't tell) and was so excited to see an email with the header as such.  So happy I was right around the corner from school and could access the pics asap. 

He's a cutie.  I will say I wish we could have a few photos from foster mom.  All the ones we have received recently are from the agency in Korea and I am assuming do not capture his everyday, comfortable expressions (which we saw more of from the first set of photos we received from foster mom).  But I am happy to see him.  I guess these were from last month's checkup and the notes say they will send updated ones next month.

Hi Baby Boy!

Loved reading that he sings and dances along to music, feeds baby dolls and makes a scary face when putting a toy bug on his leg! =0)
I will be posting on our adoption blog with more detail. Building Blocks to Forever  Please stop by sometime if you are curious.

Oh man has life been busy.  Survived the first week of school (full week....who's brilliant idea was that?!? ugh!) and it was my first week of first grade.  I have many of my old students and love it. I also have one boy who is already giving me a run for my money.  Thankful to have some supportive staff members.

Life with my new team is a breath of fresh air.  No bitchy comments, undermining or arguing.  So collegiate, I love it.  What I do not love is their obscene use of paper.  I think I have copied more worksheets, etc in the first week than all of the first three months for my kiddos.  This will take some getting used to.  I am not trying to make any waves, and to some degree we have no choice but to make copies.  But still.  Dear Mother Earth, I am so sorry. 

So, so far so good.

And I must say, after countless hours moving and setting up in a new room looks pretty darn good.  I chose a "camping/forest" theme.  My Aunty just brought me some trees and Hubby helped me put up a whole wall of fadeless star background paper.  I can also say I do not want to move any time soon in the near future.  yikes.

Congrats to those brand new happy for you ladies!

Monday, August 6, 2012

My favorite P word

Today was my cousin's baby shower and I am not going to lie and tell you I was fine the entire time because I wasn't.  I haven't had too much to write about as of late.  A few updates here and there and some cool things like our awesome trip but I haven't had the energy to finish my posts. The last few weeks have been hard.  I feel like I shouldn't complain but I have to say it somewhere and I know I have your ears and I thank you for that.

I was and am so very fortunate to be matched with our little guy so quickly back in January.  I knew then we had a long wait ahead of us.  What I didn't realize was how difficult the wait was going to be.  Maybe all the years of waiting from IF treatments "spoiled" me.  Even though the outcome was (almost) always the same and horrible, the wait was relatively short in the scheme of things even though we all know how hellish the TWW is.  I can honestly say, in many ways, the wait has gone by quickly, I am busy and like to be that way. But my emotions have been running high as of late.  After receiving our son's first birthday pictures from June last week (which I love) I think of how much older he looks.  So many changes and I wish I was there to see him he was home.  I have said so many times in the last week, that I wish he was here.  I am trying to tell myself to be patient.  Hopefully, when we start his nursery/room things will again feel like they are moving.

This time last year I was preparing my mind and body for our last round of IVF.  I was so happy and hopeful and just knew in my heart something felt different about it.  I was right and sadly that feeling did not stick around for too long.  I still have my positive pregnancy tests, one in my medicine cabinet and one on the side of my refrigerator (gross..yes..but not to worry they are in bags!).  I know I need to get rid of them in some way, but can't seem to remember to do it.  What do I do with them? Throw them out? They are one of my happiest moments, what do I do?

Today I had to go to the bathroom and allowed myself to have a moment at the shower.  I am so happy for this cousin. She is older and has waited for this moment.  She even did a round of IVF last year that was unsuccessful but was able to conceive naturally.  As I watched her today I could feel the part of me wishing I was her. I want it to stop. 

Right now I feel bitter and angry towards my body.  And right now I look at my son's photo and feel so much love for him I think my heart may burst.  Someday soon I will hold him and kiss him.  Someday I will tell him how he was my biggest lesson in patience.  Right now I am still learning how to do it.