Friday, July 26, 2013

Need your positive energy..

I am in need of a giant pick me up.  Feeling really down about our wait for government papers to go through the government.  Sick of seeing everyone having babies/getting pregnant/being looped....and the list goes on.  I feel (once again) like a miserable lady and in some ways I am...a bitter, ugly one.  This wait is killing me...I never knew it would be this hard.  So different in so many ways from my IF journey. I hate, hate feeling this way.  I hate crying over FB announcements and feeling jealous of pregnant neighbor....who has looped me for the second time.

We have about one more day for good news to come through....if we don't hear things tomorrow we will have to wait til Aug 12th.  That effing sucks.  So I am mustering up as much hope as possible for the next few hours.  Friday's business day is already over in Korea, so decisions have been made.  Please be ours.  Or at least please be others who are in the same fix as us, so I can at least hold on to the movement.   Please check out my post on the adoption blog...needing some support right now.  Thanks for reading. Hope you are well....I spent some time on this account the other day.  It is so hard to respond on my phone which is where I do most of my reading. oxo

Sunday, June 2, 2013


after much waiting...our paperwork has finally gone into the government.  So freakin excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Finally feels like something is really happening.  And it couldn't have come at a better time.  What a hard few weeks it's been.  Babies everywhere and I have three showers in the next 7 days.  Help me now.

But in shopping for one...I was finally able to feel excited...we get to register soon....yayay! But for what? Ahhh...what do you need? We're past all the newborn stuff, which honestly still makes me sad.  It's not like I don't know anything about little kids, but still....definitely not with boy things.  Any suggestions??

Please stop over at our adoption blog to check out our update....   Building Blocks...  :)

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

We are EP bound!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Earlier this week...Tuesday to be exact, Hubby and I received an email and then phone call telling us our papers are finally headed over to the government!  We are beyond happy that there is movement even though we are unsure of any timeline still at this point.

Please check out my post on our adoption blog. :)  Building Blocks to Forever


Tuesday, April 2, 2013

wishing and hoping

I find myself again here.  Kinda wondering about myself when some of the crazy bitter infertility uglies come out.  It seems as though it has been more as of late.  Maybe because I am going crazy waiting for our son to come home....closer each and every day and just trying to be as patient as I can.  It's really hard though. Harder than I ever imagined it would be. 

But in the meantime, I am keeping busy....back to school to earn my masters and administrative credential (not that I have any want at this time to ever (EVER) be a principal) but the income will be great.  This may have been the world's worst idea ever, but right now it's okay.  Survived my first quarter and the second just started this week.  Korean language class and ukulele class and masters classes...leaves Friday nights free.

Needed to share something really sucky that I think only IFs can understand the complete suckiness of it all.  A few weeks ago, I was sitting at our team's grade level meeting.  One of the teachers mentioned how she had so many meetings that week and said she had another one Friday morning. Someone asked her what it was for.  She said my principal was meeting with all the expecting moms to talk about long term subs.  I had to ask again what it was for...because surely I misheard her.  Nope...she confirmed...principal is meeting with all the "PREGNANT" moms.  I felt I snapped at my friend...but really "Why was I not invited to this?!?" WTF to the millionth degree!!!!!!!  She said she would check with our principal for me.  So it turns out, she forgot about me.  In some ways I can totally see that....especially sitting in on the meeting surrounded by quickly expanding/already bulging pregnant bellies all around the table (4 to be exact)...not my idea of fun....but yeah...I'm not visibly pregnant, but I am still expecting.  Might I remind you my principal has a son through IVF and another through adoption.  It hurt so much and made me so angry.  My hands were shaking in the meeting and I literally sat there trying to hold it together and not make eye contact with anyone.   As much as the information on subs SHOULD apply to me, it doesn't.  They all have an idea of when they are going out on leave.  Two of them have already gone out on leave...just as planned.  The others will plan the start of their year with subs.  I guess that is what I should be planning on and hoping on....but I am skeptical.  As soon as everyone left I asked my principal if she had a few minutes and literally lost it in the office 10 minutes before the start of school.  She closed her blinds so no parents would see me.  We had received really shitty news in the adoption world that week and I was really struggling with my emotions all week.  What a great topper to it all.

A few more things....
Being looped by so many people it isn't funny.  My newly married cousin (months away from her first anniversary) just told us of her pregnancy and it's that same thing....super stoked for them....but ugh.
Talking to some family who seem disinterested in what I have to say adoption wise. I am sure I am reading way too far into things...but you know...
Something to check out....we just went to a showing of a documentary called STUCK.  It talks about the problems families and kids worldwide are facing with international adoption.  Please click here to watch the trailer