Wednesday, October 5, 2011

In the Midst

Monday afternoon my miscarriage began.  Thank god I had just finished writing sub plans for a just in case. Went to the bathroom and freaked out because there was "so much blood"....hah little did I know that was nothing. Left, drove home (clinging the steering wheel and trying to breathe through cramping) and totally bled through my super absorbent pad on the way home. And there was so much blood I felt like a liar before. I was also 100% grossed out at what was coming out of my body. Killer cramps and so much blood. Thank goodness my twinnie left work as soon as I called and was at my home as soon as she could.  It's nice to have someone take care of your bloody ass pads so you can avoid looking at the mess and not mind because she loves you so.  She also had vico.din which scored her some major brownie points. The worst was over Monday night and now I am on to just the regular stuff. I need to email the Dr and find out exactly when I go in next, because I really can't remember what he said exactly at our last meeting. Stayed home yesterday and slept basically the whole dang day and still went to bed last night exhausted.

Our rainy, fall weather is here and although I am not sure how long it will last, it kinda matches my mood right now. Kind of ho hum and cold. Maybe it will be sunny again next week.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

The beginning of the End

I am just okay right now. The last few days have been rough and some moments are better than others. I swear there are a million babies and why is it they stick out more when you are hurting?!

I was asked twice on Friday by strangers if I had kids. Wtf? I cried the second time. I cried going to get my sweet niece from her nap. Everything feels sad and hard to swallow. I've cried too much these past few  days and slept more.

Thank you for your comments. I so appreciate your care and support. I feel better knowing I have you to share this with. Thank you.

I have been fearing this miscarriage. I have no idea what to expect and I think it's beginning. I've been spotting off and on since Friday but with old blood. This afternoon I began spotting with some red blood and nastiness when I wipe. (sorry!) I really don't want to go to work but I have used up so many of my personal days already. I have lesson plans set so I can call in if need be. One downside of teaching-you just can't call in...sub plans/prep must be done. Sometimes it's easier just to go in.

I really wish Hubby was around more. Go figure it's his busy time. I feel like we haven't had time to really talk. It makes me feel bad and sad. Last night was rough. Maybe this week. He says we'll get through this. I know we will, it will just take time.

Remembering my necklace...I can do hard things.