Sunday, October 2, 2011

The beginning of the End

I am just okay right now. The last few days have been rough and some moments are better than others. I swear there are a million babies and why is it they stick out more when you are hurting?!

I was asked twice on Friday by strangers if I had kids. Wtf? I cried the second time. I cried going to get my sweet niece from her nap. Everything feels sad and hard to swallow. I've cried too much these past few  days and slept more.

Thank you for your comments. I so appreciate your care and support. I feel better knowing I have you to share this with. Thank you.

I have been fearing this miscarriage. I have no idea what to expect and I think it's beginning. I've been spotting off and on since Friday but with old blood. This afternoon I began spotting with some red blood and nastiness when I wipe. (sorry!) I really don't want to go to work but I have used up so many of my personal days already. I have lesson plans set so I can call in if need be. One downside of teaching-you just can't call in...sub plans/prep must be done. Sometimes it's easier just to go in.

I really wish Hubby was around more. Go figure it's his busy time. I feel like we haven't had time to really talk. It makes me feel bad and sad. Last night was rough. Maybe this week. He says we'll get through this. I know we will, it will just take time.

Remembering my necklace...I can do hard things.

Posted by at

10 comments:

  1. ChickenpigOctober 3, 2011 at 5:33 AM

    You can do hard things, but that doesn't make it easier :(

    When I had my miscarriage it was right before Thanksgiving so I used the cytotec pills the weeks before. If you can't take the time off, maybe you could get the pills and plan to use them over the weekend? It is hard enough to go through this without waiting for it to happen, too. I think about you every day. I wish I could see you in person to make you a nice cup of tea and have a good cry with you. If you have any questions about the pills and how the process works, please let me know.

    ReplyDelete
  2. waiting and wishingOctober 3, 2011 at 7:17 AM

    It is hard, but you're right, you can do hard things. I remind myself of that constantly.

    When I tried to looks up what I should expect, I was met with horror stories- while difficult and emotionally taxing, I just want you to know that mine was not even close to what I read about. My best advice to use Tylenol during the day and Tylenol PM at night. I was having a hard time sleeping with cramping/ and too much thinking so, once I started taking Tylenol PM I finally felt like a real person. I'm thinking of you Kelli, and praying that this all happens quickly for you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. SoozOctober 3, 2011 at 8:25 AM

    I'm so sorry, Kelli. My heart just breaks...IF is so unfair and cruel. Just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Amy and RobertOctober 3, 2011 at 4:34 PM

    You're always in my thoughts daily. Perfect strangers, yet bonded by such a sad and hard road we share. Infertility. I know this is just devastating, but you must allow yourself to grieve. Don't let it swallow you whole, but swim through it. You have my support, my virtual shoulder to cry on, and I'll keep you in my prayers. This is just so unfair!

    ReplyDelete
  5. LCOctober 3, 2011 at 5:35 PM

    Thinking of you Kelli! I'm here if you ever want to talk.

    ReplyDelete
  6. DianaOctober 3, 2011 at 7:25 PM

    omg i wasnt able to log onto blogger this weekend but I came to read your blog right now to catch up and I am literally in pain from my heart. I'm sooooooo sooooooo sorry sweetie that you are ging through this. I wish you weren't. Of course, we dont wish it on anyone. So unfair. I will continue to keep you and ur huby in my prayers so that you two can feel connected in this time of need and that you may find guidance to all this. im so sorry. i wish there was more I could say or do for you!! =(

    sending you one of the biggest hugs in the world!

    ReplyDelete
  7. SarraOctober 3, 2011 at 8:19 PM

    Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts and hugs your way. I'm so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  8. LoraOctober 4, 2011 at 3:38 AM

    Sending you hugs- it all sucks. I'm so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mrs BabyDreamOctober 4, 2011 at 11:06 AM

    Hey, Just catching up on your blog now. So sorry to hear your sad news. I had a blighted ovum back in December 2010 so I know exactly how you feel. I know it's hard to see now but it will get better with time. Cry as much as you want, talk about it - get it all out. Email me if you wanna talk.(shalawantsababy@gmail.com)
    Take Care :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. KelliOctober 5, 2011 at 7:54 PM

    Thank you ladies...so appreciate reading your comments. oxo

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)