Wednesday, March 30, 2011

What we've overview.

  • Tried on our own....(let me restate that).....tried for fun, tried with ovulation sticks, tried while on vacation, tried after a drink or two, tried when I didn't want to try but because it was "time", tried pillows under my ass, tried BBT, blah blah blah, sick of trying, sick of disappointment.
  • After a year and a half of that went for help.  First IUI in September 2009, followed by November and December.  I remember being really disappointed when that first one didn't work.  Funny how some things don't change.  Dr said most couples would be pregnant by #6.
  • Started with injectables for IUI in January 2010 and April.  This was when I truly realized even small needles freak me out, I must be the world's biggest wimp and I have a very patient hubby who had to wait hours for me to be "ready".  I have always despised shots..ask anyone who knows me.
  • Somewhere last summer we started talking more about adoption.  Went to check out a few agencies and that stopped there with the IVF stuff.  I guess we were on the hopeful note.
  • First IVF in July 2010.  During the G.D. summer thank you very much.  In a perfect world, it "should" have worked. I'm off for the summer and I was as "unstressed" as I could possibly be with lab work and ultrasounds that seemed to be every other day but no school.  So if anyone tells me to just relax and not think about it, they can go jump off a cliff.  I really don't know what else to say about that.  Oh I know, progesterone injections SUCK!!  So do secondary allergic reactions and soreness months after the injections are through. I guess I should be thankful since we ended up with three embryos....they are currently in cryo.  And I am, because right now I can't harvest again.
  • Late summer and Fall and Winter of 2010....mental breakdown. I cancelled our next IVF set for my Thanksgiving break.  Couldn't hack it.  I always read that this infertility is hard on marriage...I think it may have just been hard on me.  Too bad I reacted poorly and went through a big ole slump. That is more or less better now, I believe.  I needed to get out of there.  It took awhile.
  • Planning our next steps.  Trying to look ahead. Met with some adoption agencies again and have decided on for placement and one for the homestudy.  This in itself is exciting and scary.  My twin sister and I are adopted from Korea and that is where we will be looking to adopt from. Lots of papers (I like papers, I like feeling productive and the knowledge that these actions WILL result in something amazing someday). Also lots of money. hmmmm.  We just set our last IVF for June, after school is over.  Argh, I need to win the lottery.
  • Crossing my fingers and trying to be hopeful and positive.  That's a little hard in itself.  I wish more people I know would just understand that.  Or at least let me feel the way I feel. It's hard for me to be positive when EVERYTHING (see above) hasn't seemed to work.  My goal right now is to someday be a mommy. My dear friend keeps telling me something along the line of "it will happen somehow for you, we just don't know how right now".  I tear up every time she says this.


  1. I know what you mean - it is hard to hear people say "just be positive" or "it will happen, I just know it" - because, really?? How do you "Know" it will happen? I've spent tens of thousands of dollars at this point for it to "happen" and it hasn't. So frustrating. I, thankfully, have found a support group in the area that is a small, Christian group of women that are all dealing with infertility. It is just a relief to be able to talk to people who really get it and don't say all the old tired lines that only serve to frustrate and irritate me.

  2. Agreed. I hope I find some peace here!