love this

I heard this song on the radio the other week. Not only was I thrilled because I love Jason Mraz, but the words really hit home. love it. tears each time.

hurting

So I don't think I ever blogged about this situation....only mentioned it as a possibility.  But in an attempt to carry on I never did make that post.  My brain can't handle going into details but back a few months after our m/c I received the nastiest, most hurtful message ever.  This is a person whom I have gotten to know better in the last year and a half (she is my co-worker's daughter) and she lived with us for about 2.5 weeks....basically in our tww from our last IVF.  We did this as a favor, since it was obviously bad timing, but who am I to turn down a friend when they needed a place to stay for a "few days".   She has a serious depression diagnosis and I can understand this must play a part in all of this.  She moved back home the day we officially found out we were not going to have a baby come spring.

Basically it boils down to this (or at least my best perspective): I was very distant from many people and just needed to be alone for a bit.  She is not one of my closest friends whom I would have turned to for comfort, we just aren't "there" yet on that friendship level. During that time she sent me a few messages here and there (along with some of my other friends) to which I responded to some.  I was absent from dear old fb for a bit and didn't see most of them until afterwards. I appreciated her kinds thoughts, I just couldn't really process them. Her thoughts were this....that I used my infertility to "ditch"  friends (meaning her and my co-worker whom I have written about).  She mentioned said coworker in her nasty message as well which really ticked me off. She said I am mean and incredibly selfish especially when I responded to her message by telling her I didn't really know what I did that was bothering her, which prompted her to give me a huge cry.

Time passed and nothing ever really was resolved.  I tried a few times to get together for a face to face conversation and it never seemed to work out.  The last few weeks I have seen her a bit but again it's the same...and I might add very awkward.

The worst of all this mess is the way my co-worker, her mother, has been treating me.  I would hope after working next door to someone for 6+ years she would know I am not doing anything intentionally to hurt her daughter. But I also understand it's her daughter---she should be supporting her......BUT not treating me like crap.  I am hurt by her actions most of all.  It isn't fair this is causing me to feel so uncomfortable at work.  Seriously, if my life wasn't going to change for the best, I would be switching grade levels or schools.  Maybe I will take my old master teacher's offer to take over her classroom when she retires in a few years.  I am hoping this will be over long before then.

Tonight I received yet another message and it hurt me so much.  I am angry beyond belief but sad this continues. She referenced an article talking about IF and the community and REDB.OOK's campaign, telling me I need to read it. Again saying I have been selfish towards her feelings and again mentioning the old friend. She ended by offering her congrats on the adoption and saying "Maybe now that you have a baby you might be a little more considerate".

Someone needs to come slap me across the head so I can try to figure out what to do. Why do I have such strong feelings to make things better with her and my old friend?? (who I talked with last week...we had a good cry, not saying anything is better...although I did receive her baby announcement today).  WHY? She is not acting like a true friend. It is so easy for my sister and Hubby to get angry and just write her off.  Outside perspective is great, but it's just that.  I feel completely stuck in the middle of a bad accident.  Hubby wants to call and I know that won't help anything. I really need to sit down with my co-worker but I seriously have no idea how to start that conversation.  This is such a mess and has caused me so much turmoil, I hate it.

Referral story...

So I have had the craziest week ever.  It has been crazy busy....but SO fantastic and amazing.  I have so much more to say but am going on about 16 hours of sleep since Monday. Pure excitement and adrenaline.  I could prop my eyes open with toothpicks but am opting for bed.  Tomorrow = sleeping in and an overnight friend's trip to Carmel. Fun!

I've decided to put my adoption blog url here. If you want to come and follow along, I would love it!  I am almost caught up with this week's excitement and have another post in the works. I want to remember all of this and there is so much already.  If you look, please don't share any of our names/agencies on this IF blog by name or refer to this blog. Thanks!  You can visit us here Adoption Blog =0)

Happy weekend to all of you! Much love!!!!!!!

A Dream is a Wish........Coming True!!!!

I am one ecstatic girl right now. Over the moon to be exact and that might not even be the best descriptor. I am also a very shocked girl because the call we received Monday night has forever changed my life. Hubby and I received a referral on Monday night.  We decided to accept the referral Tuesday afternoon, although my heart knew he already belonged inside.

~:in love:~

More details to come here and on the adoption blog.  We are so thankful and amazed at the quickness of this event. This was a complete surprise. But I like love happy surprises, don't you?!

Zip a dee...

Zip a dee doo dah,
Zip a dee ay
My, oh my, what a wonderful day!
Plenty of sunshine headin' our way
Zip a dee doo dah,
Zip a dee ay!....

....wonderful feeling, feeling this way!

The latest and greatest...

We sent off our application last Saturday.....they received it Tuesday and sent us the agreement contract on Thursday!!!!!! We went out to dinner to celebrate and my dear friend brought us our first baby gift...little booties.....should be the right size for our little one when he or she comes home. =0)

super cute!

  We received the agreement (signed all pages and had both copies notarized) on Tuesday and sent it back Wednesday.  So now the real waiting begins.  Their office is closed on Fridays so I will wait to hear the official "waiting" news.....but my heart is happy and I am super pumped.  We are many steps closer to our baby than we were this time last year. And in my excitement last week, I even made a fb announcement and was so happy with the positive response we received. It just feels good to be able to share it with more people.  It is tricky though because everyone wants to know when and right now we don't have an exact estimate.....just hoping for 2013!

  In all my happiness I was thrown a small curve ball yesterday.  Turns out our placing agency sent out letters to our listed references.  Fine and all with me, but I feel bad because 4 of the 8 people already kindly wrote us lovely letters of reference and for that I feel guilty!! If I had known, I would have listed other people.  My dear friend told us "we are worth it" but I still feel bad....it's a bigger more in depth set of questions than our homestudy agency and I know our friends and family are busy.  And is it bad I wished I had put other people down for one or two...we have one friend who is super busy and I worry he won't make the time right away to write our letter and I wished I had listed my sister as a reference.  I just feel like I have lost some control over the process...I can't control, I can only beg and plead our friends get them in soon.  On the other hand, Hubby is calling tomorrow to see if the quickness in which they receive and contact our friends and family by phone (another thing they want to do) will have any effect on our referral wait time.  In my head, our reference letters were already done, since we had to four written from the other agency.  It never occurred to me, both agencies would want different letters.  So until then I am trying to not to stress.

Wordless Wednesday

hah!!