Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A hard 24 hours

I have found a bit of a sad spot. I cried myself to sleep last night.  I am blaming it on the imminent arrival of AF, not feeling the best and stress from work.  And even though I'm not counting weeks I still am very aware or what could have been and what could have been going on.  I have two girlfriends that are pregnant and one found out last month she's having a boy and the other finds out this week if I remember right. She is the one that was just ahead of us. I can't wait to hear what she is having and how she is doing.  I miss her and wish I could rub her doesn't help she moved to Idaho and I haven't seen her in ages!!!! 

Today I attended the baby shower of yet another pregnant teacher at school.  Even though I haven't felt like going to any of the "recent" showers at school, I have gone to every single one because I felt like I should go. Today I may have changed my mind for the time being.  I fought hard to keep the tears from pouring out (more than once and even had to wipe them out at one point so they wouldn't stream). I think our librarian noticed. She randomly started talking to me about our upcoming vacation.  Thank god for her and the call numbers to stare at. Unfortunately that only lasted a few minutes. I can't explain how I felt today. I have been thinking about it all evening and I think, perhaps, that even with the sometimes tough emotions of previous baby showers, I have not been to one where it feels out of my league.  I know this isn't "true" but today I sure felt it.

One and half more days...I can do it!  And then I can focus on our adoption paperwork. I have an essay to write! Took my insurance paper to the district office today (she'll have it tomorrow) and even talked to our lady about leave.  Got some great ideas to work on over the next year regarding subs and long term sub plans.  That lady is so sweet and patient and has already helped us out so much.

Off to make my kids their "non-Christmas" presents.'s a two night process. I make the same thing every year and love them.

I'll end with a kidism....the other day we had our first rainy day lunch recess which equals a movie. I grabbed Frosty the Snowman since it's fitting right?? Well it's a VHS and apparently not only was it not rewound (shocker!) but my VCR is dying. It took forever to rewind and I kept stopping it expecting it to be at the end. After the third try one of my kids tells me "Mrs. __, you should get On always works!" hehehe


  1. On demand. He he he.

    It reminds me of when my husband and I went to Babies R Us to pick up a shower gift. My husband said "I see lots of stuff here, but no babies. Where are those babies at?" (if I wasn't laughing at that point, I'd be crying). If only 'on demand' worked for everybody.

  2. Hang in there friend! I am excited for you to get the time to relax and work on those papers!!! Xoxo

  3. Give yourself permission to forgo baby showers! I didn't even go to my sister's baby shower, so I don't think you are obligated to do those anymore. This time of year is especially hard. But you will be on break soon!

  4. I'm so sorry you are feeling sad, it is totally natural and understandable after what you've gone through! And I agree with TurtleMama - you should skip those showers until you're in a better place. I am so glad your adoption process is moving forward though - soon enough, you'll be holding a baby of your own in your arms!

  5. I am so sorry you are having a hard time right now. Skipping some of those showers may be a good idea, for now at least.
    Love that "On Demand" always works! haha!! Kids can always make you laugh.
    Thinking of you.

  6. You're so wonderful! It's okay to be sad. Let yourself cry. Just don't stay there too long. The VCR story is hilarious! Oh, how times have changed :)Here I am 27, and the next generation is SO VERY different as far as technology goes! It's insane to think about sometimes! Thinking of you today Kelli!

  7. I'm so sorry that you're feeling so down. I wish there was something more I could do. I just want to say that it's ok to feel sad. Hang in there!

  8. ((hugs)) I hope you enjoy your break.