Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Frustration and Checklists and Joy.

To start with Friendsgiving was a success!! Yummy food and good times with friends. Such a fun idea, hopefully next year we will repeat! But of course my fun day can't go by without some upset...so please don't mind my rant to follow.....or if you do...please skip!

Friendsgiving...minus my bestie..she's taking the pic!
 You may remember my friend/co-worker whom with I had some big problems earlier this year. To recap, she blamed me for losing friendships because of my difficulty with her pregnancy. In my defense, I really felt like time was all I needed.  It felt as though things were getting better. I went to her baby shower (which was awful for me) and visited after the baby was born.  She texted me about the miscarriage and then proceeded to not text me back when I answered her.  She didn't send me a baby announcement.  I saw her a week before her leave ended and I will admit it was awkward..I said hi to baby but for some reason couldn't really talk with her. I even texted her last weekend, telling her how I was thinking of her since her maternity leave was ending and I knew she would be sad. This past week was odd, didn't see her much between her pump sessions and leaving right after school was over.

Anyways....after our glorious Friendsgiving, she sent me and another friend of mine a message on fac.ebook (damn thing!) saying she was de-friending us since she was "sick of feeling hurt and sad over your posts/pictures" and that she's accepted that we are colleagues and not true to the word friends anymore but she can't help feeling hurt by our posts/pictures.  I have told Hubby that I am so over all of this many times before. I am, but at the same time I am hurt and upset.  If I don't even qualify to be her fb friend then I guess it's pretty bad.  I did think about inviting her but as two of the people in the room really wouldn't want to be with her and I don't think she would have wanted to either. I guess maybe I should have invited her, but I really didn't think she would come.  I wish she could just give me a break. Please just let me adjust to your comments about sleep deprivation or having to pump. I wonder if she even knew how I cringed when I found out our first beta was on her due date and how relieved I was her son was born 2 days earlier.  I didn't want to have an event to tie another disappointment to.  I wonder if she has really thought how hard this has been for me. I don't want her sympathy. I just wish she could "see" why this has been hard for me.  Everyone's pregnancy is hard for me, not just hers. I cried more around Halloween since that was supposed to be our biggest first milestone...12 weeks and the end of another season. Seeing families at restaurants or out and about is hard for me. I have two friends who are due in April and May. I already know those will be very difficult to swallow since I should be celebrating milestones with them.  But I'm not and I am trying not to dwell on those sad feelings. I have bright things to look ahead to but this shit has reared it's ugly head again and it makes me sad. I'm sad that to her our friendship is over and although I can say it wasn't at all close to perfect I was still hoping it was fixable.  I have tears falling now.

On to happier things....Adoption updates.....lots of things being checked off for our homestudy. We have almost all of our documents notarized... all 4 reference letters to be notarized on Thursday.  Medical papers are completed and notarized. I went on Monday and took care of mine, Hubby went back today to have his TB test looked at and his papers notarized. I (finally) have my employment verification papers notarized  I am hoping to get things to the agency on Thursday afternoon. I also received an affidavit today to use my passport as a replacement for my Korean birth certificate which I sadly have no clue where mine is. Obtaining a copy is not as simple as a US replacement.  I will contact the Korean Embassy in D.C. in the near future so I can actually look at a real copy one day...I know it's in a box somewhere!!  We will notarize the affidavit on Thursday as well. Homestudy is Monday evening.

I spoke with our agency's program coordinator for a chunk on Friday and we have decided to use the placing agency in Arizona.  I still look at the other placing agency's waiting children in Minnesota but we know traveling to Arizona from California is much easier for any events we may want to attend in the future. Also, our homestudy agency is quite familiar with them and that helps things along as well. I have no connections to either but our hearts (and minds!) are telling us this is the better option.  They are both friendly and I have had more phone contact with the Arizona agency than Minnesota.  Some news...Korea is raising their fee to help with their foster care costs and so the placing agency is raising their fees as well..total $4300.  But that's what it is and why is another story. BUT are you ready for the best news??!!  Referral time for us is just a few months away!! Most likely no more than 6 months *crossing fingers!*  When I talked to the agency a few weeks ago she had told me about 2 months for a boy and longer for a girl. We cannot specify a gender (and we don't mind either way!). Wheee! I am so thrilled and stoked that I may be indeed planning a big trip this summer to Korea and Japan. Unfortunately, not to pick up our child but to sight see, submerse ourselves in and learn more about Korean culture and visit my dear friend in Japan.  And hopefully get to meet and visit with our little baby, since he or she will still be a "little" baby.  I have stated before I can't pass up the opportunity to meet our little one as soon as possible.  When we travel to take our baby home it is possible he or she will be 15 months and older, since travel time is estimated 12 months from referral.  I can't wait til the moment we meet.

I think I will go to bed and dream about our upcoming travels. My days at school are getting rougher with my new student and I need to be rested so I don't break down at school while "trying" to teach.

Leaving you with a photo of my happy buns....Frank (black and white) and Gerty (grey).
Having a Lady & the Tramp moment....

  Hugs to all of you!!!! oxo


  1. I know exactly how you feel regarding this "friend." Unfortunately society is not educated enough on loss, infertility and the emotional hurricane that comes along with it. Those people who know nothing of this, tend to not support, understand, and feel a lot of "self." I wish there was more I could do to tell the world, what to say, what not to say, how to support, how to understand why we cringe with each update, picture, text message, phone call, tv commercial and even just seeing pregnancy/babies out in "real life." It's an awful feeling of despair. Stay strong and know you're not alone or wrong. Just pray for our friends and acquaintances who are uneducated. Pray their eyes and hearts are opened to our emotions as well.

    The Friendsgiving is such a fun idea! I want to do that!!! Rats, it is too late this year, but you've given me a great idea for next year!

    Thinking of you, and thanks for all the sweet comments you leave for me!

  2. Your Friendsgiving table and group look just as it should, happy and bright! If the invite of your non-friend would have made it uncomfortable for that happy group, than don't second guess yourself. You did the right thing!

    I'm so sorry that you're in this difficult situation with this person. You have done all the right things, gone to the shower, etc etc, and she is still being a royal twit. I had a good friend who was pregnant when I miscarried and she was incredibly understanding. This 'friend' of yours is missing her empathetic gene or something.

    I'm so excited about how FAST your adoption is progressing. WOW! I can't wait to see pictures of you holding your little one! Weee!

  3. First of all, I think it is good that you set boundaries with that woman who de-friended you. She sounds so immature and insensitive. I know it is hard when you have to work with someone and they are like that, but seriously that relationship is not wortth your time and energy.
    Sounds like things are moving right along with your adoption. That is so wonderful to hear and I am looking forward to more updates on your progess! Love the pic of your bunnies:)

  4. I'm sorry you are having to deal with your co-worker on top of everything else. Not fun.

    But, today lets focus on the positive for a moment... I am so excited about your adoption! It sounds like there is A LOT to look forward to on that front:)

    And last but not least, those bunnies are SO cute! Do bunnies snuggle?

  5. I'm so sorry to hear about the continued difficulties with your 'friend.' It sounds a bit like she should take a look at herself a bit and see if she has been the sort of friend she expects you to be to her. You made the right choice to not invite her if you knew it would cause tension, so don't second guess yourself.

    I am so glad to hear that things are progressing so well with the adoption process. I can not wait to see pictures of you with your precious little one!!!

    It has always amazed me how one student can have such a big effect on a classroom (good or bad.) I always felt a little bad that I was relieved when a student was absent for a day (or longer!) Hopefully he doesn't take too much out of you and you get through the year!

  6. Sorry to hear that you've had to deal with someone like her... she sounds like a nightmare ! Better off without someone hassling you like this... absolutely not fair on you. Love the sounds of your Friendsgiving :)) Great that your adoption plans are moving along... looking forward to hearing all about it as you go along :)) Love to you always xoxo

  7. Thank you ladies. You have no idea how nice it feels to have an outside "ear"..it is such a frustrating situation. Mu buns do snuggle...so sweet they are!! So excited about the next few months...!