Monday, July 4, 2011

4th of July

I am a huge night owl.  So going to bed a little after 7 is absurd and basically never happens.  I had to have a really good, big cry and then slept for about 5 hours. I just laid in bed looking outside my window for about two hours. I didn't have a lot going through my head, I was just awake.  Two sparkly stars kept peeking at me through the blinds...kinda nice.  Had a sad thought, teared up and fell back asleep. 

AF arrived yesterday morning and boy is she here with a vengeance.  Which only makes me feel angry and bitter since now I get to suffer more from the failure of this last cycle. I even mentioned to hubby on Saturday that maybe my test was wrong. I even said I just wish I would start my damn period so it could be official. Now it's here and I'm complaining. sigh.

I have a family BBQ to attend later at my in-laws house. We shall see if I go, I really don't feel up to it at the moment. I need to get out of this funk.  Retail therapy usually helps and I have lots of gift cards to spend. But there are babies and little families everywhere and my heart can't handle that fact right now (as shown by my shopping trip with sis yesterday).  Maybe setting things on fire tonight would be a good thing!  Wishing you a happy 4th.


  1. so so sorry to hear about AF and this cycle. :( definitely do the retail therapy thing and do it online if you can! i always find that helps and then i can avoid seeing all the families and strollers.

  2. I ordered some books online...that counts. And they should be coming soon..even better!! =0)

  3. I am so sorry about your BFN :( My heart goes out to you. Retail therapy online always helps me feel better too. That and ice cream :) Hope you feel better soon. Keeping my fingers crossed you get your BFP soon!