Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Some (not so promising) news..

After canceling my last IVF in November and finally deciding I was ready to proceed with the madness again we set up our FET for June. After school is over (stress right?). I have been feeling excited and anxious and have been trying to mentally prepare myself for what's to come. This is it.  We can't afford to do more.  We were so lucky to get three embryos out of our first IVF last August.  It boils down to $ for a big fat maybe with more IVF or an eventual someday with adoption.  I said before our goal is to have a family and adoption is definitely an option.  However, even swallowing that bit of truth hurts.  I have a twin and how neat would it be to see what our kids would look like. Would they look like siblings? or completely different? We may never find out.  My twin is my only blood connection I have and it stinks we may not have that family tie. Why does this infertility shit have to be so bloody expensive?? And why can't I win the lottery (even a small one--I'd happily accept!!!)

But I digress...last night as I sat worrying about our upcoming transfer I decided to check in with my RE nurse.  Of course my body hates me and I haven't been visited by AF since March.  I knew I should have gone on BCPs in March.  UGHHH.  So my nurse tells me to go get blood work to test my E2/P4 levels to see where I'm at in my cycle.  If I don't start by Tuesday we have to reschedule my FET for July/August because the clinic will be having a lab closure for summer.  And of course the one, reliable thing my body does is breast tenderness.  Always... about 1.5-2+ weeks before my stinkin' period.  And of course this only just began about two or three days ago.  I hate to be Negative Nancy but I am not very hopeful we will be able to do our transfer.  Why does it feel like things just can't fucking work on their own!!? I am sick of my irregular cycles. And the fact I knew I should have gone on BCPs to help regulate my March cycle makes me furious.  Way to advocate for myself.

In the meantime I should try to remain positive (yeah right)...maybe my blood work will prove me wrong and I am just a few days away from beginning.  I tell my kids my favorite word is patience.  Guess I need to practice what I preach and stop being so glum.  I'm just really frustrated and tired of waiting.


  1. Hang in there! I'm glad you got the transfer scheduled. I totally understand the stress of being a teacher (6th grade for me). We're waiting to do IVF until school is done too. Waiting sucks. There is no other way to say it.

  2. I hope that your body cooperates for you! We considered waiting until school was done, but decided to just go for it so that IF it works the due date would be right around winter break. Good luck!

  3. Good luck! I think waiting until you have less stress is a good idea. I took some time off of work between IVF #3 and #4 and I think that helped some.

    I've been to or talked to almost all the IVF clinics in the Bay Area, so if you need any info on any of them, just let me know.

  4. Kelli, thanks for commenting on my blog. I can see you know all too well about our bodies not doing what we want them to do. Its had for me to willingly want to take BCP. Even when I was between cycles I dreaded having to take them because they either made me dumb or crazy.

    I hope you still get to do your transfer.

  5. So sorry Kelli! I am right there with you it is so annoying that our bodies just won't do what they are supposed to. I really hope you get good news and the timing works out perfectly for you!

  6. Hi Ladies..thanks for all the nice comments. Didn't get the news I wanted but at least I knew it was coming. Just sucks coming from the source. =0(
    @Sooz--I might take you up on your offer. Thanks!