After canceling my last IVF in November and finally deciding I was ready to proceed with the madness again we set up our FET for June. After school is over (stress right?). I have been feeling excited and anxious and have been trying to mentally prepare myself for what's to come. This is it. We can't afford to do more. We were so lucky to get three embryos out of our first IVF last August. It boils down to $ for a big fat maybe with more IVF or an eventual someday with adoption. I said before our goal is to have a family and adoption is definitely an option. However, even swallowing that bit of truth hurts. I have a twin and how neat would it be to see what our kids would look like. Would they look like siblings? or completely different? We may never find out. My twin is my only blood connection I have and it stinks we may not have that family tie. Why does this infertility shit have to be so bloody expensive?? And why can't I win the lottery (even a small one--I'd happily accept!!!)
But I digress...last night as I sat worrying about our upcoming transfer I decided to check in with my RE nurse. Of course my body hates me and I haven't been visited by AF since March. I knew I should have gone on BCPs in March. UGHHH. So my nurse tells me to go get blood work to test my E2/P4 levels to see where I'm at in my cycle. If I don't start by Tuesday we have to reschedule my FET for July/August because the clinic will be having a lab closure for summer. And of course the one, reliable thing my body does is breast tenderness. Always... about 1.5-2+ weeks before my stinkin' period. And of course this only just began about two or three days ago. I hate to be Negative Nancy but I am not very hopeful we will be able to do our transfer. Why does it feel like things just can't fucking work on their own!!? I am sick of my irregular cycles. And the fact I knew I should have gone on BCPs to help regulate my March cycle makes me furious. Way to advocate for myself.
In the meantime I should try to remain positive (yeah right)...maybe my blood work will prove me wrong and I am just a few days away from beginning. I tell my kids my favorite word is patience. Guess I need to practice what I preach and stop being so glum. I'm just really frustrated and tired of waiting.